There's an app for that... Of course.

Just discovered Blogger's iPhone app. It is hard to believe how quickly my tech skills became obsolete when I left my job "on the outside" to stay at home with the Princess.

We had an amazing Christmas. We ate, we gave and received gifts and we spent lots of time together at home, just the three of us. The man had a successful hunt on Christmas Eve, so our freezer will soon be full of delicious meat. I'm so thankful for our many, many blessings this whole year.

Pouring My Heart Out-Potty Training

I'm linking up with Shell this week. I've always loved her linkup! Part of being a mother is watching your baby grow faster than you could have imagined she would. It makes you so proud when she crawls and bravely takes those first shaky steps. Then there are those developmental milestones that aren't so pleasant. What I'm about to say may shock you, but here goes: I'm not ready for the princess to potty train. She is all over this fun business of bodily functions, stickers and cheering. I'm still trying to figure out why at 17 months this has become the center of my universe.

Don't go all Judgy McJ.on me. I know there are tons of mothers out there waiting not-so-patiently for their little ones to kick diapers to the curb. I know there's a real payoff in not having to change them and carrying so much stuff around all the time would be a thing of the past.

It's just that I've not held on to any "baby" stuff and oddly enough, this is my thing. I'm not ready for her to be out of diapers because then she really won't need me. I'm her mom. I had a celebratory mealashen she self-weaned. I encouraged crawling and walking and I love it when she speaks! I just don't want to deal with public restrooms and potty talk right now. Do they have to grow up so fast?

Princess potty

Princess potty
Originally uploaded by jmberrygirl

Blogging From IPhone

Another year has come and gone. The family is safe, happy and wonderful. We still have our aging wiener dog. As the holiday season approaches, I remembered that I missed a blogiversary. Sorry, guys. The old gray writer, she ain't what she used to be. ;)

Hopefully 2012 will be as amazing as 2011 has been. We may laugh and cry, gain weight and get more wrinkles. Probably we'll lose some loved ones and see some new lives begin. As it is written in Psalms 33:11, "The counsel of the Lord stands forever, The plans of His heart to all generations. (Psalm 33:11 NKJV) Far be it from me to attempt to plan anything. He does a much better job!

Maybe this new phone's technology will allow more frequent blog updates. Maybe the small town library's dial up connection will be more reliable next year. Who knows? I'm looking forward to seeing what is in store for us. Best wishes to you and yours!

Back to Basics

I cleaned out my closets last week. I've reduced my wardrobe by more than half. I am donating everything that's old, outgrown or not loved. The main reason for paring down was an attempt to organize my home, but it goes a little deeper than that. I'm trying to encourage simple living in my house. I think that where clothes are concerned, less is more. After reading this post a few months ago, I began to reevaluate my reasons for keeping all the things I couldn't wear. I had two closets full of clothing that hadn't moved in over a year. Part of that was due to pregnancy and post-baby weight gain, but mostly, it was due to my inability to tackle the monster that was my STUFF.

It was so liberating to toss this and that until I had freed up enough space to see what I have. I love the way my closet and guest room now seem so much more organized and less cluttered. This trend will hopefully continue throughout the house until the whole place feels serene and neat, rather than hopelessy scattered.

Do you find that when your home or workplace is disorderly, your productivity decreases? This is certainly true for me. I am getting more done in less time, not only because the place feels better, but also because I have less to maintain. Less clothing means less laundry which results in more time spent doing things I enjoy.

Pour Your Heart Out: The Sad Truth

A few months ago, I had a baby. She was kind of a surprise. We had planned to have children at some point, but God decided we'd be having this one sooner than we'd scheduled! I've alluded more than once on this blog to my struggle with the baby blues. Postpartum depression. It's such a sticky subject, and it's proved hard for me to blog about.

My husband's privacy is something I respect very much. Part of my story involves deeply personal aspects of our marriage, which I won't discuss with anybody and certainly can't spill on the Internet for all the world to see. So every time I've started this post, I've deleted it because the content is so hard to discuss. I am scared. I don't want readers to judge me for the way I handled things. I almost don't want to reveal the darkness in my head.

But there are so many other mothers or mothers-to-be out there who might benefit from my story. When I was in the thick of it, I loved hearing that somebody else knew how I felt. I loved knowing that other women had walked this road and come out on the other side of it better people.

So here goes!


Everything went fine with the pregnancy, with labor and delivery, and my mother stayed with me for several days after the baby and I came home. She changed her and rocked her and snuggled. I basically nursed the little crying bundle and handed her off. I was so overwhelmed by the huge responsibility! I began to feel alone even before my mom went home, because I was so scared to be alone with the helpless little creature.

The key thing I want to convey here is that I had amazing support from my family and our church family, too. People visited, brought food and gifts, helped me get naps in the daytime and did everything they could. I still wasn't really happy. I was grateful, but not in a conscious way. I wanted the freedom that I'd had before I became pregnant. I wanted the confidence that was there before my body went and betrayed me.

The physical recovery was quick and about as painless a lady can hope for. It would take months for the feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy to fade from my mind. I didn't take antidepressants because I really wanted to nurse my baby. That was one thing that I felt I could do for her that might make me feel like a better mother, since I clearly wasn't going to be the most happy or fun one.

I began to resent the fact that my husband got to go to work every day and interact with adults while I spent my days trying to keep our daughter happy and quiet. I hated the way he came home tired, because I was certain that my day must have been far more taxing than his! I know he thought I had it pretty good, especially since he would frequently come home to find me and the princess sacked out on the couch in the middle of a nice nap. What he couldn't realize was that those 45 minute naps were the only rest periods I got. He slept through the night wakings and the early morning feedings. He was not made to be a mommy, so he didn't understand my mommy feelings. I was not understanding about that at all!

I felt incapable of caring for my baby girl. I thought she deserved to have somebody who knew what they were doing. I couldn't understand why she pooped outside her diapers or spit up on my favorite outfits and I didn't know why that stuff made me so angry. She was just doing what babies do! I hated being woken up night after night to handle one crisis or another and feeling that if I could just do things the right way, the little monster might sleep. I hated waking up every single day. It was hard to get dressed and go anywhere. I couldn't remember anything, even paying bills by mail became a task for me. Jobs around the house that I had once done without a second thought became huge tasks that I couldn't handle!

I became more and more difficult to live with until finally, I chatted with an experienced mom who reassured me that the sleep-deprivation makes everybody exhausted, cranky and melancholy. She prayed with me and we worked at sorting out the roots of my resentment. I wasn't really mad at my wonderful husband, I just took everything out on him because he was there! He made a great blame catcher!

As the baby grew older, she became more independent and fun. We began to explore parks and the library together. I love showing her new things, listening to fun music and dressing her up in adorable outfits. I feel so much better now. Part of it, I think, is due to the natural course of time. I'm not so stressed now about every little whimper. I know that much of the change is due to my attitude adjustment. I'm trying to focus on positive things these days, and I'm trying hard to clearly express gratitude even for the smallest things. I count my blessings and I pray more often. I have begun to exercise more frequently and eat right, because I'm setting a healthy example for this sweet little girl. I think I've finally gotten my groove back.

I'm linking up with Shell to share my story, just in case there is another mom out there somewhere, hating the way she feels and not wanting to tell anybody. I'll post more on this subject in the future, going into further detail about how journaling and praying made a world of difference at turning this mad mama into a happier gal.

The Great 5K

One day, I did a 30-day shred dvd workout. I still felt enormous. My friend Angela runs. She’s looking pretty hot these days. She invited me to run a 5K with her and a couple of our friends from church. I wanted to be smokin’ hot too, so I agreed to run. Neither of us placed, but we didn't finish last. We each won a random door prize! Mine was a fanny pack. Just what every weird runner mom needs. She got a gift card to a really great restaraunt. I'm thinking the folks were trying to tell me to stay out of that yummy place!

It’s been a few weeks. I’m still enormous. (Even though I’m trying to let that go!) She’s still hot. We’re running another one in May with some other cool friends of ours. So far, I don’t love it like I did when I was younger, but I’m getting used to the whole thing. Running with a stroller is killer! It’s a full-body workout, especially on a windy day. So I usually stick Angela with both our kids in her double stroller. Don’t you wish I was your running buddy?


I was amazed at how much my mood has improved since I started spending time outdoors, working up a massive stinky sweat. I feel better. Things aren't as annoying and I'm making better food choices so I'll have the energy to run. I am so glad these ladies included me in their running group!